Pic spam 3

I was looking through some old pics and when I saw these two I remembered the day we took them, four years ago when I was in ninth grade. It was such an amasing day... We were having an event in school and we decided to dress in "3abayet" and we all looked assume and the day was one of my best days ever... So much has changed since then but the memories remain... Don't they roxzz in the 3abayet? XoXo

Pic spam 2

The first pics are from last years valentines day, yup sadly enough I spent it with those morrons !! haha and the last pic shows me being with my evaaal sister and Fofo. Enjooy !! More to come muahaha

Pic spam

I was looking over my blog and noticed that it was too serious, and dull because it lacks pics... So here I am uploading more.. and more to come, XoXo

Hamadas Engagement

A while ago I was at my cousins engagement but I never really got the chance to update anything about it so here I decided to show you some late pictures. Enjoy !! XoXo

Lebanon

Yesterday my mum and sister went to Lebanon, my favourite place in the whole wide world. The country I wished I could spend a lifetime in. A lot of people ask me why I love it so much, I grew up here in Sweden so shouldn't I feel more at home here? The answer is that even though I have my home here I still feel most comfortable in Lebanon, my happiest memories are my memories there and my greatest stories are my stories there. Of course I've also had some bad memories and witnessed some awful things there but still the good beats the hell out of the bad. I love the food, the places we go out to, the ocean, the walks we take in the evening, but most of all I love the lebanese people. Of course not all of them are good and I have had my fist fights with a couple of them but still my favourite people in the world are there; people I love to be with, people I care about and miss every single day I'm here in Sweden. So right now I'm sitting down and blogging about my love for Lebanon while waiting for ouri unni Maya (Love yaaa habboul) to ditch Abbas and talk to me. Unfortunately I know how much fun it is to hang out with all the people there so I know my chances of her ditching him are small. I understand Habboul (not that you care lol :-P). Anyways missing all of you and always having you in my mind. XoXo

Seize The Day

A lot of people always put off to tomorrow what they can do today and I have always been one of those people but the question is why? Why do we put off things for another day, what if that day never comes? I think that we choose to put it off because of fear; it could be fear of failure or rejection. Too often, as in my own case, we try to put it off because of the fair of making a decision because what if I'm wrong? What if the decision that I make is a decision I later on would want but can't undo? But what happens when the pain of not being able to make a decision gets worse than the fear of not making it? Can we really say that we're alive if we're not really living? Because letting life be controlled by fear is not a way that anyone should live by because then you're no longer actually living. We hear writers telling us not to put anything off but we still do, we hear poets telling us to seize the day but we still don't. I, myself, am going to stop putting things off, I'm going to start seizing the day because in the end knowing is better than wondering and the biggest failure that I can come across still beats the crap out of never trying, never really living. Are you willing to start living? XoXo

Are you a believer?

Do you believe in fortune telling? That someone can tell you your past, your present and your future by for example looking into a cup of coffee that you drank from. I was one of those who would endlessly mock those who believe in it but today I chose to believe. This woman looked into my cup and told me things that not even my best of best friends knew... she then told me about what I was thinking now and gave me answers to my questions, answers that I so madly, truly and deeply want to be true and thus I chose to believe. Yes; today I'm a believer, are you?

Painful goodbye

The most painful goodbye is the one when you know you'll never say hello again...

But what's worse than that is not even getting the chance to say goodbye...

Happiness

Humans all throughout centuries have tried to solve this qestion; what makes us happy? Is it money, fame, love or maybe peace? I have always said that love alone can't buy happiness but neither can money alone. However yesterday night and today things occured to my mind that showed me that happiness isn't something that comes because you have somehting else, like money and love. Happiness can come out of the most simplest things; like my brother buying me choclate (my hapiness didn't come just because I get to eat choko but also because of the fact that he thought of me while being in the store and bought it for me without me having to ask for it), or when I think about my happiest memory ever it's actually a memory that I have from a night during the war in lebanon (we didn't have food, there wasn't any peace, but still one of those nights is my happiest memory), or it can come from someone holding your hand while crossing the streets. My point is that happiness is not something that can be defined by it's origin... we can't ask ourselves if it comes out of peace love or money, because happiness is an emotion that can come out of the simplest things during the worst of time and during the worst of condition. XoXo

Be your own magic fairy

Today my friend told me that everyday he wishes for the truth not to be true. And this got me thinking, why wish for that? I mean even though the truth is ugly, it's still the truth and it's still going to be true even if you wish it wasn't so instead of wishing shouldn't we do something more useful? Like perhaps changing the situation that we are in. Do something about it!! Stop wishing and start acting! You don't like it then fine change it! Because no magic fairy is going to come to you at night and make your wishes come true, and hence you have to be your own magic fairy. Take charge over your own life instead on letting life be in charge of you! It's in your hands !! XoXo

Torn

What do you do when you're torn? When you have choices to make but you don't know which way is the right way... When you're afraid of taking a leap because there's a big chance you might loose but you're also afraid of settling because even though the chance is petite, it's still there... When you go to sleep at night hoping for a better tomorrow, but you wake up and everything you wanted to be gone is still there... When you wish you could go back to that moment where evrything started to go wrong and take a different direction... When you have millions of questions but no answers... What do you do then? I need someone to tell me because then maybe, just maybe, I'll know what way to take, if I should take the leap or if I should settle, if I should stop hoping, if I should stop wishing, if I should stop asking. What should I do? Or what can I do? I always say that life is what you make it but what about the things that can't be controlled? What do I do about those? I'm torn...

First snow of the year

Today I saw through the window a revolution of snow. The first snow of the year had finally arrived, telling everyone winter was here, telling me something more, whispering a sound of hope... showing me pureness because that is what snow symbolises to me; something white, pure and something full of hope. Gotta love the snow !! XoXo

Together

Alone You Are Great...
Alone I Am Too...
But Together We Are Epic...

Is it true

I was listening to this song "Is it true" and omg the emotions that ran through me at every word, every sentence, every paus. I would like to share some of the lyrics of the song that explains how I feel about a certain friend... or ex friend... (the -...- means that I skipped a part)

You say you really know me -...- So tell me about the rumours. Are they only rumours? Are they only lies? Falling out of a perfect dream, coming out of the blue. Is it true? Is it over? Did I throw it away? Was it you? Did you tell me you would never leave me this way. If you really knew me you couldn't do this to me, you would be my friend. If one of us is lying, there's no use of trying, no need to pretend. -...- Is it real? Did I dream it? Will I wake from this pain? -...- ohh is it true?

Song of the day: Is it true?

Being unattentive

A couple of days ago I heard something devestating. I was talking to a friend and she told me something over the phone that broke my heart. All night long I kept thinking about it, what could I as a friend have done to help her? No matter how hard I keep thinking about it I still can't seem to find the answer, there really isn't much anyone can do for a person if that person refuses to accept help. But this friend of mine was thankfully strong enough to handle the problem all by herself... I feel proud, I feel thankful but most of all I feel sorry. I'm sorry for not being where I was needed. Friend after friend has told me things about them lately that was going on with them a long time ago, things they never told me when they actually still had the problem... I guess they didn't feel like I was someone they could talk to but even though they didn't tell me I should've known somehow, I should've been more attentive. Up to this point it's been four friends surprising me with something from the past. How ignorant could I have been not to notice? Biane Teta. Biane Jandi. Biane Namoose. Biane Dodo. XoXo

You know you missed me

It's alive !! HaHa me am so happy to have my internet back and I know all of you are to. For those who don't know why I've been so absent (cause Ihave sooo many fans out there lol :-P) it's because I didn't have my internet for 4 days. During those for days I was lost and my heart wasn't whole but now it's mended. Lol. You know you missed me XoXo

Guilt? Think again!

Life just keeps getting better. I just have one answer to you: I was your friend before you did what you did and I heard what I heard. Don't you ever try to give me guilts when you know YOU were the one who wronged ME in so many ways !! I get it though, it's not your fault ! You don't know what you did wrong because you are so stuck in that little tiny bubble of yours where you see noone elses needs but yours. I'll be honest because of that message I felt guilty for two minutes but then again I remembered that you were the bad one here NOT ME. So don't you ever try to spin the story around. The last thing I want to say is that you shouldn't waste your time being sad, you should thank god for the minute I decided to let you off the hook and drop all the plans I had for you... XoXO

Aja Aja Hwaitinng!!

Sweden lost :-(... I know how badly they needed to win this game and they didn't.. Yukh, I hate that feeling.. wanting something sooo bad and knowing that it's in my hands but then I end up loosing... Well, better luck next time guys.. Aja Aja Hwaitiing :-D XoXo

Paris' new toy

I was watching the show where paris hilton "wants to find her new bff". I was watching it because of boredom and nothing makes me laugh more than a couple of bimbos craving for attention! This episode was about how Paris wants a bff that trusts her and so she decides to have them do a makeover according to her liking and they had to do it because f they didn't it would mean that they didn't trust her opinion. I knew that Paris was a bumb bimbo but not to that extent, she didn't want a new bff, she wanted a new toy. Trust? Trust isn't that you let someone else decide how you should look like. Every person should be able to decicde how they want to look and they should have a bff who will always be there telling them they roxz in what they're wearing no matter what it is because we are all individuals with different styles. Trust is when you know you can share something with someone without having that person backstab you at the first chance. xoxo

HEJA SVERIGE

HEJA SVERIGE!! In 2 1/2 hours Sweden will be going up against Denmark in football and I can't wait to see Zlatan kicking some major ass on the field tonight! Show them how we do it in Sweden bb, xoxo

Not worth it

As you have noticed I haven't posted an entry for a couple of days now and the reason is that I don't know how to put into words how bad I feel right now. How bad I've been feeling lately.

How did I become who I am today? Where did that girl that I was so proud of go? I used to able to think about how I am as a person and smile. Yes, being how I was gave me a lot of problems when people took advantage of me. That's the main reason to why I decided to change. Too many people took use of the fact that I was an actual good person with a big heart and that I would help anyone without even thinking about it. I never had revenge in mind, if someone hurt me I'd just let that person go but never would I spend a second of my time planning how to hurt her/him back. That's not who I am today. It's true that I am stronger now but to what cost? Is it worth the fact that when I think about who I am today I can't smile? Someone had hurt me and I wanted to hurt that person back and I used the same way that person had used and when I was asked why I did that, my simple answer was that she did it first. He then became quiet and said nothing but I knew what he was thinking. He was surprised at who I had become and omg so was I. I used to be someone who always wanted to be the better person, the one who doesn't do something just because someone else started it. I have a younger sister and I am thinking what do I want to teach her? Do I want to set the role model who tells her that if someone hurts you you hurt them back in worse ways? Or do I want to be someone who can tell her that even though that person did a bad thing you will be just as bad if you do the same back, instead you should laugh at that person with pity and walk away. I realised that I want my sister to be the better person, I want myself to be the better person because it's not worth it, it's not worth wasting hours of my life being filled with hate. I want to be that loving person that I can so vaugely remember. I want to smile when I think about who I am.

Another reason for me feeling bad is because a couple of days ago I hurt someone who is like a sister to me, no, she IS my sister. What I did to her was because of a misunderstanding that I had but even though I had a misunderstanding I should never have judged before I knew the whole story and now I have nothing but regret. I was so mad at something she brought up without going through me first that I forgot who I was actually talking to. I was tallking to the person who means the world to me, I was talking to the person I owed so much to, I was talking to the person that comes first to my mind when I have good news, I was talking to the person who had a heart of gold, I was talking to a sister. I can't take back what I did and the word sorry won't cut it, I know that.

So what do I do now? Dwell in the misery? No! I'm going to change, not really change just go back to who I used to be. My mind will still be as the 18 year old me but my heart will be as the one I had when I was fifteen. Everything I had in mind of doing is erased from my mind. Every person I had planned revenge on is actually, believe it or not, off the hook. Every minute that used to be filled with hate I am now going to use it to bring back the good old me. xoxo

Scrue that so called society of yours

Remember when I in a previous entry I said that i read something offending on the news? I thought it couldn't get worse but then I read it, not anywhere, but in my cousins blog. She was saying that I didn't fit in to this society. My question for her is what society is she talking about? I was under the impression that I am free to wear whatever I want to here in sweden. Am I not? My vail shows what I believe in the same way as a punkrocker shows what she likes through her clothes. Who is she to say that I didn't fit in to the society I was born in? Where as she wasn't actually even born here. The part that saddened me the most was that I would never have thought that she had that opinion of me, of my vail. I thought that she was an open person who accepts anything, including me and my vail. I am still in chock because she is someone I geuniunly had respect for but now how can I respect someone who doesn't respect me and what I believe in? I am so dissappointed because she showed that she is someone who only speaks of democracy all the while not actually believing in it. So yeah today my mood isn't so great, someone I grew up with doesn't think I fit in to "her" society. I'll tell her something: If fitting in to your society means that I have to change my believes and who I choose to be then scrue your so called society because it certainly isn't one I would be proud of fitting in to.

Me and ouri cousins

Booba and merro are here and we're going to have another girls night in... hope it gets my mind off things.. yukh. And I have to sleep early to take that walk I promised namoose. Btw, any suggetsions of good friendship songs? xoxo

Fear

Am I doing the right thing? Just made a huge decision and I'm not sure if it was the right one, because deep down I know that the decision was controlled by fear. Even though I swore never to let fear get to me again, it did without my permission. I was telling myself that it was all behind me, that I didn't care anymore.. that it wasn't like before, that I was stronger this time.. But even though yes I am stronger I'm still not strong enough.. xoxo

Girls night in

Girls night in... yesterday was soo much fun... My house was boy free because my brother went away on a trip (hating you for being at the hilton hotel.. yukh). Even though me soo jealous, him being away meant that I could call everyone and we'd have a girls night only.. unfortunately my friends weren't allowed to sleep over so they went home at 11 but my dearest cousins stayed and slept over. It was a blast and the movie we watched were crazy!! They were supposed to be scary but it seemed like a comedian movie to me haha!! Thnxx merro for the pie, thnxx kadde for walking all the way to sädesbingen to get me the cd (love you for it) and thnxx nonna for scipping the comp. time to spend time with us. I know the decision wasn't easy honey!! xoxo

Usual day...

Today began really good, with my usual routine with going early to the university to have my coffee and read the news.. more debates on the niqab and the vail and more of me wanting to beat their asses!

Except the part of reading some peoples stupid comments I had lots of fun at the university and then I hanged out at my aunties place and we made french toast and on my way to my aunties place I saw teta from afar and I started calling for her real loud but she didn't hear me and let's make it clear that I totally embaressed myself. But being at my aunties place I had a blast! But later on it wasn't such a blast when some problems resurfaced so I decided to take a walk to clear my head and it was so refreshing!!

I also talked to namose on the phone which actually helped a lot cause she sure knows how to make one laugh, and LOL usually when two people talk on the phone and the time comes to say your goodbyes it barely takes a minute to do so but thats not the case with namose. We were saying our goodbyes but not until 30 minutes later did we actually hang up... damn what did we talk about? beats me... xoxo